In general, the Skull has been a fountain of knowledge on gardening, baking, the best vets in town on and so on, but as I was sipping on my screwdiver gazing out at the hodge podge crowd before me all I could think about were all the different lives standing before me. I decided it was time to take a more personal approach and start valuing all the individualized lessons these people can teach me.
For my first round of interviewing, I turned to Richard Fish (just ‘Fish’ to friends and frienemies alike) to dish out some advice on sex and dating. Fish is one of the more raunchy regulars and has been known to offend a person or two (or 50) time and again. Infamous for initiating new Skull tenders with questions like, “What’s the biggest thing you’ve had up your ass?” at the most inappropriate of times. [I was able to muster up all my wit and responded with“ uh, well uh..a dick?” over coffee one morning.] Fish is indeed an advocate of utilizing ‘shock value’ methods. Although Fish will never hesitate to tell you how nice your boobs look, or to share some of the most shocking and acrobatically-inclined pornos he has on his phone. When he isn’t appalling the world with his crass attitude, he’s into some really mushy stuff, like ladies with good manners and sex with people you actually care about.
SO FISH, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
Originally Shirve, OH but I move to Athens in, huh,’79.
CAN YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST REAL DATE
Yea, Karen Engeran.
WHAT YOU GUYS DO?
Nothin’, not even first base.
WHAT ARE YOUR BIGGEST TURN ONS IN ANOTHER PERSON?
Personality and long legs.
Bad teeth and poor manners.
YEA THOSE ARE PRETTY TERRIBLE, CAN YOU REMEMBER LOOSING YOUR VIRGINITY?
Yea I was about 23, I cant remember her name though.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE POSITION?
OH YEA, WELL LETS BE MORE SPECIFIC- YOU GETTING IT FROM BEHIND OR RECEIVING IT FROM BEHIND?
Giving it! [laughs]
SO YOU’RE KNOWN TO CROSS DRESS ON OCCASION. WHAT INSPIRED THAT?
Well for Halloween one year I dressed up as Cheech Wizzard and because of my skinny legs everyone thought I was a girl, it kinda just stuck after that. And its fun!
DO YOU EVER CROSS DRESS WHILE GETTING IT ON?
No, but I’ve thought about it.
ANY OTHER WILD FANTASIES?
Uh, I’d like to be tied up blindfolded naked at a swingers party.
SOUNDS KINKY. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A KEYS PARTY? WHERE YOU ALL PUT YOUR KEYS IN A FISH BOWL AND WHOEVER’S KEYS YOU PULL OUT YOU GOTTA BANG
AH no but that sounds fun! I’ve been planning on organizing a swingers party with my friends, but maybe Ill do that instead.
YEAH I SAW IT ON THE SIMPSONS SO IT MUST BE A FUN THING TO DO.
[laughs] Yea my girlfriend and I have been to this club in Columbus called ‘Club Princeton’- it’s a swingers type club but you don’t have to swing, it’s basically just a place to have sex in front of an audience or watch people fuck.
WHATS ONE OF YOUR CRAZIEST SEX STORIES
I was having sex with lesbians for a while! [laughs] Martha and Missy were their names, M&M we called them. We did it on the back steps of the Union a few times back in the 80’s. I really did love her [Martha] she was so sweet and loving, I think that’s what made the sex so great.
THE BACKSTEPS OF THE UNION, AYE! THAT IS THE BEST KIND OF SEX THOUGH, WITH SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT.
EVER BEEN CAUGHT HAVING SEX?
Well there was this one time I slept with my roommates ex girlfriend and she gave him crabs, then me crabs and it was like “well where’d you get your crabs” and we were both like “..uh…Becky..”
AH MAN, THE CLASSIC LOVE TRIANGLE- BEEN THERE. WAS HE MAD?
Nah we just got pissed that hoe gave us crabs!
WELL IN CLOSING, WHATS BEST DATING ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE TO SOMEBODY?
Just uh be honest and remember to have fun, you gotta have fun. If its not fun you’re not doing it right
This has been another lesson from bartender of the century, Ashleigh Dye. Check out her previous columns about life at the world famous Smiling Skull Saloon here and here and here. She also takes fabulous photographs and makes cool gifs. See her again next week- usually Tuesdays!