I know you’re all probably wondering why I haven’t spoken to you in a while and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised to find that you all hate me now. I left you when you needed me most, and it is something I will now have to live with. Now, I know that there’s not a single excuse I can make that would justify my absence, so here’s six:
1) I was on official reverend business in Paraguay.
2) I got drunk and forgot.
3) I temporarily lost the feeling in my fingertips and couldn’t type.
4) I died.
5) I’m a ghost that can only enter the mortal realm once every year, on the anniversary of my death.
6) I was busy training for my karate tournament, of which I won, crane style.
Hopefully you can find some solace in at least one of those. Now that the messy bit is over, I can tell you about how I’m back and I’m never leaving you again.
This will be a year of columns and commitment. I already have a string of sexy, interesting people that I will be interviewing this year, with topics ranging from religion to music to adult bed wetting. I promise that I will earn your love/trust back, and if I can’t, I’ll die trying.
I love you all.
Rev. Jon Paul Anthony Hart
GOT A QUESTION? ASK A REVEREND.
– Need advice about love/life?
– Are you interesting enough to be interviewed?
– Want to tell me that you hate me?
– Want to tell me that you really, really hate me?
This has been the second installment of Rants of a Rebellious Reverend. Read RJPAH’s first column contribution, which details how he achieved such a ridiculous title, here.